Saturday, November 12, 2016

Calmness


Feeling good at the start of today. Happy to have made it through another week, happy to have some time for me. Happy to be going through old baggage, throwing some stuff out out to make way for more useful things.

I will be cleaning out my dead mother's closet and purse today, with the help of my father's girlfriend. These things have been collecting dust for over two years, and I am so happy to be a part of clearing it out. My mother is in my heart: there is no longer any need to store her blouses and socks in a closet.

My father tells me that a person's going to feel however it is they're going to feel, that this is ok, their feelings are valid and those feelings don't have to answer to anybody else. I've spent time time in my life struggling to communicate my feelings, believing my feelings are less important, or matter less than other people's intentions, feelings or needs. It's left me at times angry and hopeless.

I know now that this past attitude of mine is wrong. I am working hard at being less afraid, and more open to letting go of hurtful things. It's a tough skill, which involves excellent communication skills (I'm not there yet!) but it's a worthy goal. And I am happy to have made it here.

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